A Diary of a Muslim
I wish to become a mukmim in all aspects. It is not easy because I am dealing with my heart. At the moment I am happy at least to say that Al-Fatihan (7 repeated verses) that I recited every prayer is making my heart very light and is blocking other elements around me to intercept. Preparing myself for each prayer is like preparing a 'voager to be launched ' into space. I have to be well prepared from the time Azan is heard from the mosque, taking my abulution, covering myself appropriately with my white hijjab, reciting duaa asking Allah S.W.T to protect me from any disturbance - before Takbir. Alhamdulillah Al-Fatihah alone has managed to launch the rocket into space. Alhamdulillah I feel like an airtight bottle that doesn't permit air into it.
I didn't know how I get this far. Allah S.W.T is great. I wasn't a good muslim before. Since the day He picked me up I tried many years not to miss my 5 time daily prayer,plus the non compulsory - witir, duha and tahajjud. I recited the Quran almost daily. I read many book written by Iman Qusyairi, Ibn Qayyim, Syeikh Abdul Qadir Al-Jailani any many more. On top of that I listerned to good programmes until all become like virus into my system.
This is just the practical part whereby I tried to impress Allah S.W.T that I am trying to be a good muslim. All the above are just efforts. Human efforts. Many times I could feel that my efforts went into the drain. Useless.
Where do I go wrong. Allah S.W.T is great. As soon as I do the checking - to my heart and admitted that I am nothing without His rahmah, the door leading to Him is lighted again. The point is not how much I do, but how sincere I am towards Him,
To my muslim brothers and sisters, Allah S.W.T loves His subjects much better that a mother towards her baby. Islam is a simple religion. We obey Allah and do not do syirik towards Him is so much better and safer than doing something that you feel heavy. Even a convert is so much luckier than a borned muslim. Therefore, do not feel alone. Talk to Allah S.W.T all the time, as humble as possible. Ask to be guided in anything we do. Learn to pray even if you only know Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Say it from you heart and soul. He is Most Gracious Most Merciful. He is looking at You! and He knew.